Writing Puns

Food Puns

I relish the thought of a good pun.
I can't believe it's not butter—it's a margarine of error!
You butter believe it!
This pun is nacho average joke.
I found a great place to eat, but it's a little fishy.
Lettuce make a pun-tastic salad.
I donut understand why people don't like puns.
This is un-beet-able!
My favorite exercise is a cross between a lunge and a crunch. I call it lunch.
I’m on a seafood diet. I see food and I eat it.
I’m reading a book on anti-gravity—it's impossible to put down!
I told my friend she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised.
I couldn't figure out how to put my seatbelt on. Then it 'clicked'!
I'm on a whiskey diet. I've lost three days already!
The baker stopped making donuts after he got tired of the hole thing.
I made a pun about the wind but it blows.
Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing!
I'm trying to lose weight, but it keeps finding me!
I used to be a baker, but I couldn't make enough dough.
I love pressing wildflowers—it's my favorite type of 'leaf'!
I can't believe I got fired from the calendar factory. All I did was take a day off!

What do you call an alligator in a vest? An investigator!
I used to be a banker, but I lost interest.
Why don’t scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything!
The cat's out of the bag, and it's purr-fect!
I told my dog to stop chasing people on bikes. It was a ruff situation.
What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear!
I tried to catch fog, but I mist.
It's hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs—they always take things literally!
What do you get when you cross a snowman and a vampire? Frostbite!
Did you hear about the claustrophobic astronaut? He just needed a little space.
What do you call a fish with no eyes? Fsh!
Why did the horse go behind the tree? Because he wanted to change his jockeys!
I used to play piano by ear, but now I use my hands.
Why did the chicken join a band? Because it had the drumsticks!
What do you call a lazy kangaroo? A pouch potato!
What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef!
What do you get when you cross a dog and a calculator? A friend you can count on!
Why do seagulls fly over the ocean? Because if they flew over the bay, they’d be bagels!
What kind of bird works at a construction site? A crane!
What do you call a pile of cats? A meow-tain!
Why did the octopus cross the road? To get to the other tide!

Spring is here, and so are the pun-derful days!
I love the autumn—it’s so 'a-maize-ing'!
The winter was so cold, I had to break the ice with some puns!
Summer is the best season—it's all about the 'breeze' and ease!
I’m reading a book on seasonal vegetables—it's quite 'thyme' consuming!
I love fall—it’s the time of year to leaf your worries behind.
In winter, I like to tell snow puns—they always flake up the conversation!
Why do trees hate tests? Because they get stumped!
What did one snowman say to the other? Do you smell carrots?
I can't wait for the summer—it’s going to be 'sun'-sational!
What do you call a snowman with a six-pack? An abdominal snowman!
May the puns be ever in your flavor this spring!
I told my friends I was going to start a gardening club this spring—they all said I was sow crazy!
The leaves are falling, and so are my puns!
Summer is my favorite 'pun'-derful time of year!
Why did the gardener plant a light bulb? Because he wanted to grow a power plant!
Autumn leaves, but puns are here to stay!
Winter is coming, and so are the puns!
Why did the sun go to school? To get a little brighter!
Spring has sprung, and so have my puns!
Summer puns are the 'beach'!

I used to be a baker, but I couldn't make enough dough.
I’m a big fan of whiteboards—they’re re-markable!
I’m a librarian—I have a shelf of puns!
My job at the orange juice factory was just too concentrated.
I'm a banker, I know how to check my balance!
I told my boss I need a raise—he said I should 'work' on my puns.
I'm a doctor—I make people feel better, one pun at a time.
Why did the computer go to therapy? It had too many bytes!
I'm a photographer—capturing moments, one pun at a time!
I wanted to be a historian, but I couldn’t find the right time period!
I’m a gardener; I know how to weed out the bad puns.
I work at a clock factory—it's about time I made a pun!
I’m a tailor—my job is to stitch up funny moments!
Why did the musician break up with his metronome? It just couldn't keep up with the tempo!
I used to be a professional cricket player, but I got stumped!
I'm a chef; I cook up puns and meals!
I’m a carpenter—I always nail my puns!
I’m a magician; I make my puns disappear!
Why did the electrician break up with his girlfriend? He couldn't find the spark!
I work at a donut shop—life is 'glazed' and confused!
I’m a scientist; I know how to experiment with puns!

I told my computer I needed a break; now it won’t stop crashing!
Why did the smartphone need glasses? It lost its contacts!
I decided to become an electrician; I thought it would be a shocking job!
I’m reading a book on anti-gravity—it's impossible to put down!
The wifi went down, so I had to go offline; it was a connection lost!
I told my friend she was drawing her eyebrows too high; she looked surprised!
What do you call a computer that sings? A Dell!
I made a pun about the internet, but it didn't connect!
I’m trying to learn HTML, but I just can’t get into the tags!
Why did the computer break up with the internet? There were too many issues!
I told my friend I was going to start a tech company; he said I should 'byte' the bullet!
I can't believe I got fired from my job at the calendar factory; all I did was take a day off!
I wanted to become a programmer, but I couldn’t find the right code!
I asked the tech support guy for help; he said, 'Have you tried turning it off and on again?'
I got a job as a web developer, but it was too much of a click!
I’m learning to code—it's a syntax error not to!
The smartphone was a real 'app'-titude!
I tried to create a website about procrastination, but I kept putting it off!
Why did the computer go to therapy? It had too many bytes!
I told my computer a pun, but it didn't 'byte'!
I’m on a new diet—I only eat bytes!