Vocabulary Puns

Wordplay on Homophones

I used to be a baker, but I couldn't make enough dough.
I told my computer I needed a break, and now it won't stop crashing.
I wanted to be a doctor, but I didn't have the patients.
I was going to tell a time-traveling joke, but you didn't like it.
The mathematician’s plants stopped growing, so he found the square root.
I named my dog 'Five Miles' so I can say I walk Five Miles every day.
I used to play piano by ear, but now I use my hands.
I once got into a fight with a broken elevator, I just took it to another level.
I know they say money talks, but all mine says is 'Goodbye.'
I used to be a professional cricket player, but I found it too hard to catch the bus.
I'm reading a book on anti-gravity; it's impossible to put down!
I wanted to be a librarian, but I couldn't find the right shelf.
I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high; she looked surprised.
I tried to catch fog, but I mist.
I'm on a whiskey diet; I've lost three days already.
The guy who invented Lifesavers candy made it look easy.
I was going to make a chemistry joke, but I didn’t have the reaction.
I used to be a fan of regular mail, but I've switched to e-mail; it’s more current.
I wanted to become a historian, but I couldn't find the right time.
I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.
I told my friend she should do lunges to stay in shape; that was a big step forward.

I wanted to be a writer, but I couldn't find the right words; I was at a loss.
I have a job as a professional cricket player; it’s a real hit.
I used to be a librarian, but I couldn't keep my books in order.
I told my friend I was going to quit my job as a banker; it was too taxing.
The actor got into trouble for stealing scenes; it was a dramatic turn.
I'm really good at my job as an electrician; I know how to conduct myself.
My friend tried to give me a job at the orange juice factory, but I couldn't concentrate.
The mathematician's garden was full of problems; he had to solve them.
I used to be a banker, but I lost interest.
I wanted to be a gardener, but I didn't have the thyme.
I used to be a magician, but I quit because it was too much of a trick.
I tried to catch a fog, but I mist.
I wanted to be a comedian, but my jokes just didn’t land.
I'm reading a book on anti-gravity; it's impossible to put down.
I used to be a baker, but I couldn't make enough bread.
I tried to start a professional hide-and-seek team, but it was hard to find members.
I wanted to be an archaeologist, but my career was buried.
The musician couldn’t find his pitch; it was a real note-worthy situation.
I wanted to become a banker, but I lost interest.
I used to be a professional chef, but I got too hot in the kitchen.
I'm on a whiskey diet; I've lost three days already.

I’m reading a book on anti-gravity; it's impossible to put down, just like my pet rock!
What do you call a fish with no eyes? A 'fsh.'
Why don't scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything!
I wanted to be a vet, but I just couldn't bear the thought.
What do you get when you cross a snowman and a vampire? Frostbite!
Why did the cow go to outer space? To see the moooon!
What do you call cheese that isn't yours? Nacho cheese!
I tried to catch a squirrel, but it was too nutty!
What did the fish say when it hit the wall? Dam!
Why did the chicken join a band? Because it had the drumsticks!
I used to be a dog trainer, but I couldn't get a handle on it.
What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear!
Why do seagulls fly over the ocean? Because if they flew over the bay, they’d be bagels!
What do you call a cat that loves to bowl? An alley cat!
What do you call a dog magician? A labracadabrador!
Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well-armed!
What do you call an alligator in a vest? An investigator!
What do you call a lazy kangaroo? A pouch potato!
What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus!
What do you call a cow that can play a musical instrument? A moo-sician!
Why don’t oysters donate to charity? Because they are shellfish!

I’m reading a book on anti-gravity; it's impossible to put down!
When life gives you lemons, make lemonade, but when it gives you melons, you might want to rethink your strategy.
I told my friend to stop impersonating a flamingo; he had to put his foot down!
I used to be indecisive, but now I'm not so sure.
I wanted to be a baker, but I couldn't make enough dough.
I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.
I wanted to be a gardener, but I didn't have the thyme.
I tried to catch fog, but I mist.
I was going to tell a time-traveling joke, but you didn't like it.
I wanted to become a historian, but I couldn't find the right time.
I wanted to be a banker, but I lost interest.
The mathematician’s plants stopped growing, so he found the square root.
I wanted to be a librarian, but I couldn't find the right shelf.
I'm reading a book on anti-gravity; it's impossible to put down!
I used to be a magician, but I quit because it was too much of a trick.
I once got into a fight with a broken elevator, I just took it to another level.
I wanted to be a doctor, but I didn't have the patients.
I'm on a whiskey diet; I've lost three days already.
I was going to make a chemistry joke, but I didn’t have the reaction.
I know they say money talks, but all mine says is 'Goodbye.'
I used to be a banker, but I lost interest.

I’m not arguing, I’m just explaining why I’m right!
I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high; she looked surprised.
I wanted to become a professional hide-and-seek player, but it’s hard to find good players.
I used to be a banker, but I lost interest.
You can't trust stairs; they're always up to something.
I wanted to be a gardener, but I didn't have the thyme.
I used to be a baker, but I couldn't make enough dough.
I'm reading a book on anti-gravity; it's impossible to put down!
I tried to catch a fog, but I mist.
I'm on a whiskey diet; I've lost three days already.
I wanted to be a doctor, but I didn't have the patients.
I was going to make a chemistry joke, but I didn’t have the reaction.
The mathematician’s plants stopped growing, so he found the square root.
I was going to tell a time-traveling joke, but you didn’t like it.
I used to play piano by ear, but now I use my hands.
I wanted to become a historian, but I couldn't find the right time.
I named my dog 'Five Miles' so I can say I walk Five Miles every day.
The musician couldn’t find his pitch; it was a real note-worthy situation.
I wanted to be an archaeologist, but my career was buried.
I tried to start a professional hide-and-seek team, but it was hard to find members.
I used to play piano by ear, but now I use my hands.