Textbook Puns

Math Puns

I have a lot of problems, but I can always count on math.
Why was the equal sign so humble? Because it knew it wasn't less than or greater than anyone else.
Parallel lines have so much in common. It’s a shame they’ll never meet.
I’m trying to get a degree in math, but it’s just too complex.
Why was the math book sad? It had too many problems.
Are monsters good at math? Not unless you Count Dracula.
Math teachers have too many problems to solve.
Why did the student wear glasses in math class? To improve di-vision.
What’s the official animal of Pi Day? The Pi-thon.
Why was six afraid of seven? Because seven eight nine!
What do you call a number that can’t keep still? A roamin’ numeral.
I told my math teacher I was going to be a mathematician. She said, 'You’re not even a fraction of the person you could be.'
Some math problems are like a bad joke; they just don’t add up.
Why do plants hate math? It gives them square roots.
Math puns are the first sine of madness.
What do you call an educated tube? A graduated cylinder.
Why did the obtuse angle go to the beach? Because it was over 90 degrees!
I’d tell you a math pun, but I’m afraid it would be too derivative.
Why did the student bring a ladder to math class? Because they were going to high school.
Why are obtuse angles so frustrated? Because they can’t get to the point.
I’m reading a book on anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down.

Science Puns

Never trust an atom; they make up everything!
I'm reading a book on helium. I can't put it down!
Why do biologists look forward to casual Fridays? They're allowed to wear genes to work.
I told a chemistry joke, but there was no reaction.
Why do chemists like nitrates so much? Because they’re cheaper than day rates!
Did you hear about the physicist who went to the beach? He wanted to catch some waves.
Why can't you trust an atom? Because they make up everything!
What did the biologist wear to impress their date? Designer genes.
I'm a big fan of whiteboards; they're re-markable!
Why did the physics teacher break up with the biology teacher? There was no chemistry.
What’s a physicist’s favorite game? Force and effect.
Why was the biology book so full of itself? It had all the right cells.
How did the scientist propose to their partner? With a chemistry set.
What did the thermometer say to the graduated cylinder? 'You have a real nice scale!'
Why are chemists excellent for solving problems? They have all the solutions.
What do you call an educated tube? A graduated cylinder.
Why did the ocean break up with the pond? There were too many fishy things.
What did the scientist say when he found two isotopes of helium? HeHe!
How do you organize a space party? You planet!
Did you hear about the scientist who tried to create a soul-sucking vampire? He just couldn't find the right formula.
Why don’t scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything!

History Puns

I told my history teacher I was going to be a historian. She said, 'That’s a great way to make a past of yourself!'
Why did the Pharaoh go to school? He wanted to improve his pyramid scheme.
What's a historian's favorite workout? The history lift!
Why was the medieval knight always tired? Because he worked on knight shifts.
How did the Romans cut their pizza? With little Caesars.
Why did the history book look so sad? Because it had too many dates.
What do you call a historian who tells tall tales? A fibber-nation.
Why did the British Empire never play hide and seek? Because good luck hiding when they’re always seeking more land!
I have a history of bad puns. I guess it’s a repeating pattern.
Why was the math book so full of itself? It had a lot of history.
What's a pirate's favorite letter? You might think it's R, but it's the C!
Why didn’t the skeleton go to the party? He had no body to go with.
Why did the Roman Empire collapse? It had too many 'barbarians' at the gate.
What did George Washington say when he chopped down the cherry tree? 'I’m sorry, I can’t tell a lie!'
What do you get when you cross a historian with a dog? A lab report!
How did the Greeks end their meetings? With a Greek salad!
What kind of music did the ancient Egyptians listen to? Wrap music.
Why was King Arthur's round table so popular? It was always a circle of friends!
What did the Revolutionary War soldiers say when they won? 'That’s a history-making victory!'
Why did the history teacher always carry a pencil? To draw conclusions!
What do you call an ancient Roman who’s a great listener? A Forum!

Literature Puns

I’m reading a book on anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down!
I went to buy some camo pants but couldn’t find any.
What do you call a book club that’s been stuck on the same book for years? Church.
I love Shakespeare, but I can’t stand all his drama.
Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field!
What is a book's favorite type of music? Rhyme and blues!
I told my friend I was reading a book on how to fall down stairs. He said, 'Sounds like you’re going to have a rough time!'
Why do writers always feel cold? Because they’re surrounded by drafts.
What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta!
I’m reading a book on reverse psychology. Don’t read it!
Why did the writer break up with their partner? They had too many plot twists.
What did one book say to another? 'I’m your biggest fan!'
Why did the author go to therapy? They had too many characters.
Why do librarians always look so calm? Because they have a lot of shelf control.
How does a penguin build its house? Igloos it together.
What do you call a literary detective? A novel sleuth.
Why did the poet bring a ladder to the bar? To reach the high verse.
What did the book say to the reader? 'You crack me up!'
Why do books hate cold weather? Because they might get a spine chill.
I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. It’s really uplifting!
What’s a writer's favorite dessert? A plot twist!

Geography Puns

Why did the geography teacher go to jail? Because he got caught with too many degrees.
I used to be a baker, but I couldn’t make enough dough; now I'm a geography teacher!
What did the ocean say to the beach? Nothing, it just waved.
What’s a geography teacher’s favorite game? Map-ping!
Why did the map always get lost? It had too many folds.
What do you call a map that tells you where to go? A GPS, or Great Pun Source!
Why do geography teachers love nature? Because it has so many layers.
Why did the student bring a pencil to geography class? To draw the line!
How do mountains stay warm in the winter? They put on their snow caps!
What did one mountain say to the other? 'You rock!'
Why are maps great detectives? They always find the way.
I’m reading a book on the history of glue. I just can’t seem to put it down!
Why was the geography book so good at making friends? Because it always knew how to connect!
What do you call a geography teacher who travels? A globe trotter!
Why did the geography student break up with their partner? They had too many boundaries.
What do you call a geography bee that tells jokes? A pun-derful competition!
Why do geography teachers excel at sports? They know how to navigate the field.
What’s a geography teacher’s favorite instrument? The map-ophone.
Why did the glacier break up with the mountain? There was too much pressure.
What did the river say to the pond? 'Stop being so shallow!'
Why do countries always get in trouble? They can’t keep their borders straight!