Subject Puns

Math Puns

Why was the equal sign so humble? Because it knew it wasn't less than or greater than anyone else!
Parallel lines have so much in common. It’s a shame they’ll never meet.
I’m reading a book on anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down!
Why do plants hate math? Because it gives them square roots.
What’s the official animal of Pi day? The Pi-thon!
Why did the obtuse angle go to the beach? Because it was over 90 degrees!
Why didn’t the quarter roll down the hill with the nickel? Because it had more cents!
I told my math teacher I was scared of negative numbers. She said I would be okay once I got past them.
Why was the math book sad? Because it had too many problems.
What did the zero say to the eight? Nice belt!
Why was the equal sign so popular? It knew how to find common denominators!
Math teachers have too many problems, but they always find a solution.
What do you call an angle that’s gone to college? A graduated angle!
Why did the student wear glasses in math class? To improve di-vision!
I used to be bad at math, but then I found the right angle!
Why didn’t the two 4s feel like a meal? Because they already eight!
What do you call a number that can’t keep still? A roamin’ numeral!
What’s a math teacher’s favorite place in NYC? Times Square!
Why did the fraction go to the party? Because it heard it was going to be a real party divided!
I asked my friend if he wanted to hear a math joke, but he said he was too busy counting his blessings.
Why do mathematicians always fight with their friends? Because they can’t seem to find common ground!

Science Puns

Never trust an atom. They make up everything!
What did the biologist wear to impress their crush? Designer genes!
Why are chemists excellent for solving problems? They have all the solutions!
What do you call an educated tube? A graduated cylinder!
Why are physics teachers so good at flirting? They have great potential!
What did one volcano say to the other? I lava you!
Why did the physics professor break up with the biology professor? There was no chemistry!
What did the scientist say when he found two isotopes of helium? HeHe!
Why can’t you trust an atom? Because they make up everything!
What did the ocean say to the beach? Nothing, it just waved!
What do you call a fish with no eyes? Fsh!
Why don’t scientists trust stairs? Because they’re always up to something!
What’s a physicist’s favorite game? Potential energy!
Why did the biologist break up with the physicist? There was no chemistry!
What did one lab rat say to the other? I think I’m being watched!
Why did the computer go to the doctor? Because it had a virus!
Why did the germ break up with the virus? It couldn’t handle the pressure!
What do you call a scientist who studies clouds? A meteoro-logist!
What do you do with a sick chemist? If you can’t helium, and you can’t curium, then you might as well barium!
Why did the chemist go to jail? Because he got caught mixing chemicals!
How do you organize a space party? You planet!

History Puns

I told my friend 10 jokes to get him to laugh. Sadly, no pun in ten did.
Why was the history teacher always late? Because he kept getting caught in time!
What did the Roman say when he was asked to take a picture? ‘I’ll Caesar!’
Why was the medieval knight always tired? He worked knight shifts!
How did the ancient Greeks keep their pants up? With a philosopher!
Why did the archaeologist break up with his girlfriend? He said she was too ancient for him!
Why did King Arthur go to the dentist? To get his teeth crowned!
What do you call a story about a broken pencil? Pointless history!
Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field!
I have a joke about the French Revolution, but it’s a little guillotine.
Why don’t we ever tell secrets on a farm? Because the potatoes have eyes and the corn has ears!
How did the British Empire stay so strong? With a lot of tea and unity!
Why did the history teacher always carry a pencil? Because it had a point!
Why did the Pharaoh go to the doctor? He had a bad case of pyramid scheme!
What did the American colonists wear to the Boston Tea Party? Tea-shirts!
I tried to start a history club, but it’s just too hard to find members from the past!
What did the judge say when the skunk walked into the courtroom? Odor in the court!
Why was the history book always so popular? Because it had great stories to tell!
What do you call a medieval knight with no armor? A knight in shining armor!
Why are history teachers great at relationships? They know how to resolve conflicts!
What’s a historian’s favorite type of music? Classical!

Literature Puns

I’m reading a book on anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down!
What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta!
Why did the writer break up with their partner? They had too many plot twists!
Why do writers always feel cold? Because they’re surrounded by drafts!
What do you call a story about a broken pencil? Pointless!
Why did the book join the police? It wanted to go undercover!
I told my friend 10 jokes to get him to laugh. Sadly, no pun in ten did.
What do you call it when one book falls in love with another? A novel romance!
Why did Shakespeare only write in ink? Because pencils confused him!
Why did the poet bring a ladder to the bar? He heard the drinks were on the house!
What’s a vampire’s favorite type of book? A blood-curdling thriller!
Why don’t we ever tell secrets on a farm? Because the potatoes have eyes and the corn has ears!
What do you call a dystopian novel about gardening? A plot against the weeds!
What’s a writer’s favorite exercise? Writing a novel!
Why do books always look so good? Because they have great cover art!
What’s a librarian’s favorite kind of music? Shelf control!
Why did the novelist go broke? Because he lost his plot!
What do you call a story about a broken pencil? Pointless literature!
Why did the novelist break up with their girlfriend? Because she was too much of a plot hole!
What did the poet say to the critic? ‘I’m just trying to get my verse across!’
Why did the book get kicked out of the library? It was overdue!

Music Puns

Why did the music teacher go to jail? Because she got caught with too many notes!
What do you get when you drop a piano down a mine shaft? A flat minor!
Why did the musician break up with their metronome? Because it was always on the beat!
What do you call a fish that plays the piano? A bass player!
Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field!
What’s Beethoven’s favorite fruit? Banana-na!
Why did the conductor go to jail? He was caught with too many sharp instruments!
Why did the music note get kicked out of the band? Because it didn’t know how to behave!
What do you call an educated musician? A virtuoso!
Why did the musician get kicked out of the band? He couldn’t find his rhythm!
How do you fix a broken tuba? With a tuba glue!
Why did the drummer break up with his girlfriend? She found him too clingy!
What’s a musician’s favorite dessert? A jam tart!
Why did the guitar player get kicked out of the bar? Because he kept stringing people along!
What do you call a musical fish? A bass-tard!
What’s a piano’s favorite kind of shoes? Flats!
Why did the singer bring a ladder to the concert? To reach the high notes!
What’s Beethoven’s favorite fruit? A flat banana!
Why did the music student bring a pencil to class? To draw a note!
What do you call a musician who steals? A klepto-note!
Why did the saxophonist get locked out of his house? Because he couldn’t find the key!