Soccer Puns

Goal-Scoring Gags

I told my friend to stop playing soccer, but he said he just can't goal without it.
Why did the soccer player bring string to the game? To tie the score!
What did the soccer ball say to the goal? 'I’m just here for a kick!'
Why did the soccer player bring a ladder? To reach new heights!
I used to be a soccer player, but I kept getting kicked out of the game.
Why was the soccer field so wet? Because it kept getting kicked around!
The referee always gives me a penalty; I guess I just can't keep my cool.
What do you call a soccer player who never scores? A goal-less wonder!
I wanted to be a soccer player, but I couldn't find my footing.
Did you hear about the soccer player who broke his leg? He was a real 'knee-jerk' reaction!
I asked my soccer coach for a raise, but he said I need to step up my game.
Why did the soccer team go to the bank? To get their goalie!
What do you call a soccer player who loves to sing? A goal-keeper!
Why do soccer players do well in school? Because they know how to use their heads!
Why did the soccer ball go to school? It wanted to get a little 'kick' out of learning!
I tried to play soccer with a broken leg, but I just couldn't get a kick out of it.
Why did the soccer player cross the road? To score on the other side!
What do you call a soccer player who tells tall tales? A goal-digger!
Why did the soccer player stay home from the game? He had a bad case of 'foot-in-mouth' disease!
What do you call a soccer player who always loses? A goal-less wonder!
Why do soccer players love to play cards? Because they always want a good hand!

Team Spirit Jokes

Why did the soccer team bring a ladder to the match? To reach for the stars!
What do you call a soccer player who can juggle? A team player!
Why are soccer players great at teamwork? Because they know how to pass the ball!
What did the coach say to the nervous player? 'Just kick it like you mean it!'
Why did the soccer team break up? They couldn't find common ground!
What do you call a soccer team made up of musicians? A band of brothers!
Why did the soccer players always win at hide and seek? Because they knew how to find space!
What do you call a team that's bad at soccer? A 'kick'-starter!
Why did the soccer player get kicked out of the party? He kept trying to score with everyone!
Why do soccer teams always get along? Because they know how to play nice!
What do you call a team of soccer players who tell jokes? A pun-derful squad!
Why was the soccer team always calm? They had great 'goal'-keeping!
Why did the soccer player love his team? Because they always had his back!
What did the coach say after a bad game? 'Let's kick it into gear next time!'
Why do soccer players love to hang out together? They always have a ball!
What do you call a team that can’t stop laughing? A giggle squad!
Why did the soccer team always use a calendar? They wanted to plan their next 'kick-off'!
What did the team say after their victory? 'We really kicked it up a notch!'
Why did the soccer team go on a diet? They wanted to lose some 'goal-weight'!
What did the soccer coach say before the big game? 'Let’s get ready to rumble!'
Why do soccer players make great friends? Because they always support each other!

Player Puns

Why did the soccer player bring a pencil to the game? To draw a penalty!
What do you call a soccer player with a great sense of style? A 'goal'-digger!
Why was the soccer player always calm? Because he had great 'goal'-tolerance!
What did the soccer player say when he scored? 'I’m on a roll!'
What do you call a soccer player who loves to read? A 'goal'-keeper of knowledge!
Why did the soccer player wear two pairs of shorts? In case he got a hole in one!
What do you call a soccer player who loves to cook? A 'goal'-den chef!
Why did the soccer player sit on the sideline? He was 'goal'-ing through a rough patch!
What do you call a soccer player who loves to party? A 'kick'-starter!
Why did the soccer player break up with his girlfriend? She couldn't handle his kicks!
What do you call a soccer player who can’t keep a secret? A 'leak'-keeper!
Why was the soccer player always invited to parties? He knew how to kick it!
What did the soccer player say to his teammate? 'You’re a real 'goal'-getter!'
What do you call a soccer player who tells lies? A 'goal'-digger!
Why did the soccer player always carry a notebook? To keep track of his 'goal'-s!
What do you call a soccer player who loves the ocean? A beach 'goal'-keeper!
Why was the soccer player great at trivia? He had a lot of 'goal'-d knowledge!
What do you call a soccer player who's always on time? A punctual 'goal'-getter!
Why did the soccer player get a promotion? He was a real 'kick'-starter!
What do you call a soccer player who plays the piano? A 'goal'-den musician!
Why was the soccer player always so happy? He knew how to score!

Referee Riddles

Why did the referee bring a pencil to the match? To draw the line!
What did the referee say when he made a bad call? 'Oops, my bad – I'll take a kick at it again!'
Why did the referee get kicked out of the party? He kept blowing the whistle!
What do you call a referee who tells bad jokes? A pun-derful official!
Why did the referee get lost? He couldn't find the right 'goal' post!
What did the referee say after a tough match? 'I need a timeout!'
Why was the referee always calm? He had a great sense of 'goal'-keeping!
What do you call a referee who loves to sing? A 'whistle'-blower!
Why did the referee bring a ladder? To reach the next level!
What did the referee say when asked about his job? 'It has its ups and downs, but I always keep my whistle close!'
Why did the referee stop playing soccer? He couldn't handle the pressure!
What do you call a referee who loves gardening? A 'goal'-den thumb!
Why did the referee always wear stripes? To keep things in line!
What did the referee say when he lost his whistle? 'I'm in a real bind!'
Why was the referee great at math? He knew how to count to ten!
What do you call a referee who loves to dance? A 'whistle'-dancer!
Why did the referee always carry a pen? To mark the score!
What did the referee say to the player who complained? 'You’ve got to take it on the chin!'
Why did the referee cross the road? To get to the other side of the field!
What do you call a referee who tells the truth? A 'goal'-den honest one!
Why was the referee always in shape? He was constantly running the field!

World Cup Wit

Why did the soccer team bring a suitcase to the match? They wanted to pack a punch!
What do you call a soccer player who travels a lot? A globe 'goal'-getter!
Why was the World Cup so popular? It always kicks off a good time!
What do you call a World Cup referee? The 'goal'-den judge!
Why did the soccer fans bring a blanket? They wanted to stay 'goal'-den warm!
What do you call a World Cup player who loves to cook? A chef on the field!
Why did the soccer player join a band during the World Cup? He wanted to score some hits!
What do you call a World Cup with no goals? A 'kick'-off!
Why did the soccer team get lost on their way to the World Cup? They forgot to follow the 'goal'-den path!
What do you call a World Cup match in the desert? A 'sand'-wich!
Why did the soccer player bring a map to the World Cup? He wanted to find his way to the goal!
What do you call a World Cup with no fans? A 'goal'-less event!
Why did the soccer player always carry an umbrella to the World Cup? He wanted to stay dry during the 'kick-off'!
What did the coach say during the World Cup? 'Let’s get ready to rumble!'
What do you call a World Cup match in space? A 'goal'-actic event!
Why did the soccer player love the World Cup? He was always in for a 'kick'-start!
What do you call a World Cup player who loves to read? A 'goal'-den scholar!
Why did the soccer team go to the beach during the World Cup? To catch some rays and score some tan goals!
What do you call a World Cup match with no referee? A 'goal'-den opportunity!
Why did the soccer team bring a calculator to the World Cup? They wanted to keep track of their 'goal'-s!
What do you call a World Cup player who's always late? A 'goal'-den procrastinator!