Scientist Puns

Chemistry Puns

I told a chemistry joke, but there was no reaction.
I have my ion you.
Never trust an atom; they make up everything.
I’m feeling positive about chemistry.
What do you do with a sick chemist? If you can’t helium, and you can’t curium, then you might as well barium!
Are monsters good at math? Not unless you Count Dracula.
I just found out I’m 60% water. I guess I need to hydrate my puns.
What did the scientist say when he found two isotopes of helium? HeHe!
Why do chemists like nitrates so much? Because they’re cheaper than day rates!
Gold is the best element because it’s AU-some!
I used to be a baker, but I couldn’t make enough dough.
I’m reading a book on anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down!
Did you hear about the famous microbiologist? He was a real germ star!
What do you call an educated tube? A graduated cylinder!
Oxygen and magnesium were going out, but O2 was too reactive.
Why did the chemist break up with their partner? There was no chemistry.
You can’t trust atoms; they make up everything.
What did the biologist wear to impress their date? Designer genes!
I have a joke about chemistry, but I don’t think it will get a reaction.
Why do chemists enjoy working with ammonia? Because it’s pretty basic.
How do you organize a space party? You planet!

Physics Puns

I have a real attraction to physics.
Why can’t you trust an atom? Because they make up everything!
I used to be a physicist, but I lost my focus.
What do you call a physicist who is also a musician? A tuning fork!
Why did the physicist get kicked out of the bar? He kept talking about quantum jumps.
If I could rearrange the alphabet, I would put U and I together. Well, that’s physics!
What did the physicist say when he found two isotopes of helium? HeHe!
Why are physicists bad at playing hide and seek? Because good luck hiding when they can see through you!
How do you stay warm in a cold room? Go to the corner; it’s always 90 degrees.
Why did the photon refuse to check a bag at the airport? It was traveling light.
What did one quantum physicist say to the other? You split the atom, I’ll split the bill.
How do you know when you're in a physics class? You can feel the tension!
Why did the physicist break up with their partner? They had too many potential energy issues.
I was going to tell a time travel joke, but you didn’t like it.
Why are physicists so bad at relationships? They always overthink the gravity of the situation.
Why did the teacher go to the beach? To test the waters of physics!
I wanted to be a physicist, but I couldn’t find my potential.
What’s a physicist’s favorite game? Catch!
Did you hear about the physicist who got addicted to speed? They had to quit because it was too relativistic.
I wanted to be a physicist, but I couldn’t find my way around the universe.
What did the biologist wear to impress their date? Designer genes!

Biology Puns

I’m reading a book on anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down!
What did the biologist wear to impress their date? Designer genes!
I told my friend 10 jokes to get him to laugh. Sadly, no pun in ten did.
What do you call a fish with no eyes? Fsh!
Why are biologists so good at telling stories? They always have plenty of cells to draw from.
Why did the mushroom go to the party? Because he was a fungi!
What’s a microbiologist’s favorite place to hang out? The germination station!
Why did the cell break up with the nucleus? There was just no chemistry.
What did the DNA say to the other DNA? Do these genes make me look fat?
I have a joke about DNA, but I can’t tell it; it’s too twisted.
Why did the biologist bring a ladder to the bar? Because they heard the drinks were on the house!
What did the biologist say to the chemist? Stop reacting to everything!
What do you get when you cross a joke with a rhetorical question?
Why couldn’t the plant find its way? Because it lost its roots!
Why did the bee go to the doctor? It had hives!
What did one cell say to the other? Mitosis!
What’s a biologist’s favorite game? Cell-fie!
Why do plants hate math? Because it gives them square roots!
What do you call it when a plant becomes a musician? A jam session!
What did the algae say to the ocean? Stop being so salty!
I tried to catch fog yesterday, but I mist.

Astronomy Puns

I need space.
I’m over the moon about astronomy!
Why was the astronomer so bad at keeping secrets? He always let the stars out!
How does the moon cut his hair? Eclipse it!
What did the alien say to the garden? Take me to your weeder!
Why did the sun go to school? To get a little brighter!
Why did the astronaut break up with their partner? They needed space!
What do you call a star that thinks it’s a planet? A wannabe!
What did Mars say to Saturn? Give me a ring sometime!
Why did the sun never go to college? Because it already had a million degrees!
What do you call a comet that tells jokes? A pun-derful comet!
Why don’t scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything, including the universe!
What do you call an educated star? A shooting star!
Why did the astronaut bring a pencil to space? In case they wanted to draw their own conclusions!
How do astronomers organize a party? They planet!
I told my telescope to look at the stars; it said ‘I can’t, I have my eye on the prize!’
What do you call a space magician? A flying saucer!
Why did the astronaut break up with their girlfriend? He needed space!
How do you know when the moon is going broke? It’s down to its last quarter!
What did the star say to the black hole? You suck!
Why did the moon skip dinner? It had a phase!

Mathematics Puns

Why was the equal sign so humble? Because it knew it wasn’t less than or greater than anyone else.
Parallel lines have so much in common. It’s a shame they’ll never meet.
Why was the math book sad? Because it had too many problems.
What did the zero say to the eight? Nice belt!
Why didn’t the quarter roll down the hill with the nickel? Because it had more cents!
What do you call a number that can’t keep still? A roamin’ numeral!
Why was the obtuse angle so frustrated? Because it was never right!
I’m trying to think of a math joke, but it’s just not adding up.
What do you call a mathematician who’s afraid of negative numbers? He will stop at nothing to avoid them!
Why was the equal sign so humble? Because it knew it wasn’t less than or greater than anyone else.
How do you stay warm in a cold room? Go to the corner; it’s always 90 degrees.
I’m not arguing, I’m just explaining why I’m right!
Why did the math teacher break up with the calculator? She felt she couldn’t count on it anymore.
What did the mathematician say when he finished his problem? I’m all squared away!
Why do plants hate math? Because it gives them square roots!
I’m reading a book on anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down!
Why did the mathematician get kicked out of the party? Because he kept trying to solve for X!
What’s a math teacher’s favorite place in NYC? Times Square!
Why are obtuse angles so sad? Because they’re never right!
What do you get when you cross a math teacher with a clock? Times tables!
Why did the student wear glasses in math class? To improve di-vision!