Non-Fiction Puns
Cooking and Food
- I'm reading a book on anti-gravity. It's impossible to put down!
- I told my friend 10 jokes about pizza to see which one he liked the most. He said 'I liked the one with the crust!'
- I wanted to learn how to cook, but I couldn't find the thyme.
- I made a pun about an egg, but it was egg-stremely bad.
- I don’t trust people who dislike pancakes. They’re just too flipping suspicious.
- The chef who got fired for throwing salt was just trying to spice things up!
- I cracked a joke about baking, but it didn’t rise to the occasion.
- I tried to make a belt out of spaghetti, but it was a waist of time.
- I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough!
- I asked the chef why he was so good at cooking. He said he had a lot of thyme on his hands.
- When life gives you lemons, make lemonade... and then sell it for a profit!
- I was going to make a joke about an olive, but it was too pressed.
- I told my friend I was going to bring a salad to the party. He said, 'Lettuce hope it's a hit!'
- I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised!
- I tried to catch fog yesterday. Mist.
- Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing!
- I don’t carrot what they say, I'm going to eat my veggies!
- I made a pun about a sandwich, but it was just too cheesy.
- I’ve got a great recipe for disaster. Just add too much salt!
- I’d tell you a joke about a hot dog, but it’s the wurst!
- Cooking is like love; it should be entered into with abandon or not at all.
Science and Nature
- I’m reading a book on helium. I can’t put it down!
- What’s a physicist’s favorite type of music? Heavy metal!
- I told a chemistry joke, but there was no reaction.
- I wanted to be a scientist, but I didn’t have the right chemistry.
- Why did the biologist break up with the physicist? There was no chemistry!
- What did the biologist wear to impress the girl? Designer genes!
- I'm on a seafood diet. I see food and I eat it!
- I wanted to learn about plants, so I took a class on photosynthesis. It was enlightening!
- I told my friend I was studying space. He said, 'That’s out of this world!'
- Why can’t you trust atoms? Because they make up everything!
- I have a fear of elevators, but I’m taking steps to avoid it.
- Why don’t scientists trust stairs? Because they’re always up to something!
- I told my friend she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked shocked!
- I’d tell you a joke about energy, but it’s just too powerful!
- Did you hear about the mathematician who’s afraid of negative numbers? He’ll stop at nothing to avoid them.
- Why did the physics professor break up with the biology professor? There was no chemistry!
- I have a joke about time travel, but you didn’t like it.
- I wanted to become a doctor, but I didn’t have the patients.
- I looked up at the stars last night. It was a stellar experience!
- What do you call an educated tube? A graduated cylinder!
- Why did the computer go to the doctor? It had a virus!
History and Politics
- I told my history teacher I was going to make a pun about the past, but she said it was too ancient.
- Why was the math book sad? Because it had too many problems!
- I wanted to be a historian, but I just couldn’t find the right dates.
- I used to be a baker, but I couldn't make enough dough to rise to the occasion.
- Why was the broom late? It swept too much time!
- I read a book about anti-gravity. I couldn’t put it down!
- I used to be a banker, but I lost interest.
- How did the barber win the race? He knew all the shortcuts!
- Why don’t skeletons fight each other? They don’t have the guts!
- I wanted to start a history club, but I couldn’t find any members. They all said it was too outdated.
- I told my friend I couldn't trust historical dates. He said, 'That’s a real timeline issue!'
- Did you hear about the guy who invented Lifesavers? He made a mint!
- I tried to get a job in the history department, but they said I didn’t have enough experience.
- Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field!
- I’m reading a book on anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down!
- I started a band called 999 Megabytes. We haven’t gotten a gig yet.
- I told my friend I was going to write a history book. He said, 'Make it a bestseller!'
- I have a pun about the French Revolution, but it’s not worth the guillotine.
- I wanted to write a history book, but I realized it would take a lot of time to cover all the ground.
- Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing!
- I tried to make a pun about history, but it just didn’t resonate with anyone.
Self-Help and Motivation
- I told my motivational speaker friend that I was down in the dumps. He said, 'You just need to lift yourself up!'
- Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field!
- I wanted to write a self-help book, but I couldn’t find the right words of encouragement.
- I told my friend I was feeling down. He said, 'You need to raise your spirits!'
- I asked my therapist for advice on procrastination. He said, 'Just do it later.'
- I used to be a baker, but I couldn’t make enough dough to rise to the occasion.
- Why did the bicycle fall over? Because it was two-tired!
- I have a friend who’s an expert in self-help. He’s always giving me uplifting advice!
- I told my friend I wanted to be more productive. He said, 'Just take it one step at a time!'
- I tried to start a motivational speaking career, but I kept losing my audience.
- I told my life coach I needed more time. He said, 'Stop wasting it!'
- Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants? In case he got a hole in one!
- I’m on a whiskey diet. I’ve lost three days already!
- I tried to get into yoga for self-improvement, but I just couldn’t find my center.
- Why did the student eat his homework? Because his teacher said it was a piece of cake!
- I wanted to be a motivational speaker, but I couldn't find my voice.
- I started a self-help group for procrastinators. We meet... eventually.
- I told my friend I wanted to be more positive. He said, 'Just look on the bright side!'
- I wanted to be a life coach, but I couldn't find the right direction.
- Why don’t scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything!
- I’m reading a self-help book on how to be more decisive. I can’t decide if I like it or not!
Travel and Adventure
- I wanted to go on an adventure, but I couldn't find my travel buddy. Guess I’ll go solo!
- Why don’t scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything, even travel plans!
- I wanted to be a travel writer, but I couldn’t find the right words to express my wanderlust.
- I told my friend I was going to start a travel blog. He said, 'Make sure to take plenty of puns along the way!'
- I bought a map of the world. It’s a real ‘globetrotting’ experience!
- I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. It’s really uplifting!
- I told my friend I wanted to travel the world. He said, 'That’s quite a journey!'
- I tried to start a travel agency, but I couldn’t find enough clients.
- Why did the computer go to the beach? It needed to surf the web!
- I wanted to go camping, but I couldn’t find my camping gear. I guess I’ll just have to wing it!
- Why did the airplane get sent to its room? It had a bad altitude!
- I told my friend I was going on a road trip. He said, 'Don’t forget to pack your puns!'
- I wanted to be a travel photographer, but I couldn’t find the right focus.
- I tried to take a selfie at the Grand Canyon, but I just couldn't capture the depth!
- I told my friend I was going to write a travel guide. He said, 'Make it a bestseller!'
- Why did the traveler bring a ladder? To reach new heights!
- I went to a travel expo, but it didn’t take me anywhere!
- I wanted to go skydiving, but I couldn’t find the right parachute. Guess I’ll just take the plunge!
- I told my friend I was thinking of visiting every country. He said, 'That’s quite the passport to adventure!'
- Why did the tourist bring a pencil? Because he wanted to draw his own conclusions!
- I wanted to take a cruise, but I couldn’t find the right ship shape!