Medicine Puns

Doctor Puns

I told my doctor I broke my arm in two places. He told me to stop going to those places.
The doctor gave me a prescription for my broken heart. I guess it's time to get a refill.
Why did the doctor carry a red pen? In case he needed to draw blood!
My doctor told me I need to watch my drinking. Now I only drink in front of a mirror.
What do you call a doctor who fixes websites? A dock-tor!
I asked the doctor if I could take a bath with my new orthopedic shoes. He said, 'Sure, but it might be a little lumpy!'
I told my doctor I have a fear of elevators. He said, 'I can lift you up!'
I went to the doctor and he said I need to work on my relationship. I told him I was already seeing someone!
My doctor said I need to start eating more greens. I told him I only like the green jellybeans.
Why did the doctor break up with his girlfriend? He just couldn't find the right 'chemistry'!
What did the doctor say to the sick tomato? 'You need to ketchup on your vitamins!'
Why did the doctor get kicked out of the party? He kept trying to take everyone's temperature!
I asked my doctor if I could take a day off work for my anxiety. He said, 'Just take a 'chill pill!'
What did the doctor say to the patient who was worried about his weight? 'Don't worry, you're a 'light' case!'
I told my doctor I'm afraid of commitment. He said, 'Don't worry, we can just 'treat' it casually!'
Why did the doctor always carry a pencil? In case he needed to draw a line!
My doctor told me to get more exercise, so I started running away from my problems!
What do you call a doctor who knows how to play piano? A 'medic' musician!
I told my doctor I have a bad memory. He said, 'Have you tried taking notes?'
Why did the doctor bring a ladder to work? To reach new heights in medicine!
I asked my doctor if I could have a second opinion. He said, 'Sure, but you might need to pay for it!'

Nurse Puns

Nurses are the heart of healthcare, but they also know how to 'nurse' a joke!
Why did the nurse bring a red marker to work? In case she needed to draw blood!
What did the nurse say to the patient who didn't want to take his medicine? 'Don't worry, it’s just a 'pill' to swallow!'
I asked my nurse why she never gets lost. She said, 'I always follow my 'heart'!'
Why did the nurse go to art school? She wanted to learn how to draw blood!
What do you call a nurse who always tells the best jokes? A 'pun-slinger!'
I told my nurse I was feeling under the weather. She said, 'Then let’s 'raise' your spirits!'
Why did the nurse carry a pencil and paper? To 'chart' her progress!
What did the nurse say to the patient with a broken leg? 'Don't worry, you’ll be back on your feet in no time!'
Why did the nurse always carry a clock? To keep 'time' with her patients!
I told my nurse I was feeling blue. She said, 'Let's 'change' that!'
What did the nurse say when she finished her shift? 'Well, that was a 'patient' experience!'
Why did the nurse become a gardener? She wanted to 'heal' the world one plant at a time!
What do you call a nurse who tells jokes? A 'laughing medic!'
I asked my nurse if she believed in love at first sight. She said, 'Only if it’s a 'heart'beat!'
Why did the nurse become a chef? She wanted to 'serve' her patients in a new way!
I told my nurse I was feeling dizzy. She said, 'Time to get your 'head' straight!'
What did the nurse say to the patient who asked for a pillow? 'Sure, let me 'fluff' your day!'
Why did the nurse always carry a notebook? To 'record' her patients' progress!
I asked my nurse for advice on relationships. She said, 'Just 'bandage' them up and move on!'
What do you call a nurse who loves music? A 'melodic medic!'

Surgery Puns

Why did the surgeon break up with his girlfriend? He just couldn't find the right 'cut'!
What did the surgeon say to the patient before the operation? 'This is going to be a real 'slice' of life!'
Why did the doctor always carry a scalpel? In case he needed to 'cut' to the chase!
I asked my surgeon if he ever gets nervous. He said, 'Only when I'm under 'pressure'!'
What do you call a surgeon who does comedy? A 'funny bone' specialist!
Why did the surgeon get banned from the kitchen? He couldn’t stop 'slicing' the vegetables!
What did the surgeon say to the patient who was scared of the operation? 'Don't worry, I've got it all 'under control!'
Why did the surgeon become an artist? He wanted to 'draw' on his skills!
What do you call a surgeon who doesn't like to operate? A 'cut' above the rest!
I told my surgeon I was feeling anxious about the procedure. He said, 'Just take a deep 'breath'!'
Why did the surgeon always carry a map? In case he needed to 'navigate' the operating room!
What did the surgeon say after a successful operation? 'That was a 'stitch' in time!'
Why did the surgeon bring a ladder to work? To reach the 'high' notes in surgery!
What do you call a surgeon who loves to bake? A 'cut' cake artist!
I asked my surgeon how he stays calm. He said, 'I just take it one 'incision' at a time!'
Why did the surgeon become a gardener? He wanted to 'grow' his skills!
What did the surgeon say to the nervous patient? 'Don't worry, I've got the 'tools' for the job!'
Why did the surgeon start a podcast? To 'cut' through the noise!
What do you call a surgeon who tells jokes? A 'cut-up' artist!
I told my surgeon I was feeling down. He said, 'Let’s 'lift' your spirits!'
Why did the surgeon always carry a ruler? To 'measure' his success!

Pharmacy Puns

Why did the pharmacist get kicked out of school? He kept trying to 'prescribe' answers!
What did the pharmacist say to the customer who wanted a refund? 'You can't return a 'drug' deal!'
I asked my pharmacist if he could help me with my anxiety. He said, 'Just take it one 'pill' at a time!'
Why did the pharmacist become a musician? He wanted to 'compose' the perfect formula!
What do you call a pharmacist who tells jokes? A 'prescription' comedian!
I told my pharmacist I was feeling under the weather. He said, 'Let’s 'dose' you up with some humor!'
Why did the pharmacist always carry a notebook? To 'document' his findings!
What do you call a pharmacist who loves to dance? A 'medic' mover!
I asked my pharmacist how he stays so organized. He said, 'I just 'dispense' with the clutter!'
Why did the pharmacist start a blog? To share his 'prescriptions' for life!
What did the pharmacist say to the patient who wanted a discount? 'No 'pills' about it, we have to stick to the price!'
Why did the pharmacist become a chef? He wanted to 'mix' things up in the kitchen!
What do you call a pharmacist who loves to paint? A 'prescription' artist!
I told my pharmacist I was feeling blue. He said, 'Let’s 'color' your world with some joy!'
Why did the pharmacist always carry a camera? To 'capture' the moment!
What do you call a pharmacist who loves to travel? A 'medic' explorer!
I asked my pharmacist what his favorite part of the job is. He said, 'The 'high' points!'
Why did the pharmacist start a garden? He wanted to 'grow' his own remedies!
What did the pharmacist say to the customer who was in a hurry? 'Don't worry, I’ll 'fill' your order fast!'
Why did the pharmacist bring a ladder to work? To reach for the 'top' shelf!
What do you call a pharmacist who can play guitar? A 'prescription' performer!

Health and Wellness Puns

Why did the gym close down? It just didn't work out!
What did the health coach say to the potato? 'You need to 'get fit'!'
I told my friend I wanted to start a diet. She said, 'Don't worry, just cut out the 'snack' talk!'
Why did the orange stop? It ran out of juice!
What do you call a salad that’s always laughing? A 'joke' salad!
I asked my trainer how to sculpt my body. He said, 'Just 'mold' yourself into shape!'
Why did the yoga instructor break up with his girlfriend? He found her too 'stretchy'!
What did the fitness instructor say to the couch potato? 'Time to 'squat' up!'
Why did the fruit go to the doctor? It wasn't peeling well!
What do you call a bodybuilder who loves music? A 'fit' musician!
I told my friend I was going to start running. She said, 'Just don’t 'jog' my memory!'
Why did the apple join the gym? It wanted to get 'core' strength!
What did the wellness coach say to the chocolate bar? 'You need to 'work out' your issues!'
Why did the banana go out with the prune? Because it couldn't find a date!
What do you call a fitness guru who tells jokes? A 'punny' trainer!
I told my friend I'm on a seafood diet. I see food and I eat it!
Why did the chicken join a band? Because it had the drumsticks!
What do you call a workout that involves laughing? A 'giggle' session!
Why did the grape stop in the middle of the road? It ran out of juice!
What do you call someone who loves to exercise? A 'fit'-ness enthusiast!
I asked my friend how to stay healthy. She said, 'Just 'leaf' your worries behind!'