Lecture Puns

Science Lectures

I told my class about an experiment with helium; they just couldn’t get over it.
I was going to tell a chemistry joke, but I thought I’d get a reaction.
Why did the biologist break up with the physicist? There was no chemistry!
I wanted to tell a physics joke, but I couldn’t find the right angle.
The physicist's favorite dessert is a black hole cake—it's always dark and full of surprises.
Why do chemists like nitrates so much? Because they’re cheaper than day rates!
I’d tell you a joke about an atom, but I forgot the element of surprise.
Why are chemists excellent for solving problems? They have all the solutions!
I tried to come up with a pun about biology, but it’s just too cell-fish.
What did the biologist wear to impress their date? Designer genes!
Why did the mathematician break up with the biologist? He found her too derivative.
Have you heard about that new restaurant on the moon? Great food, no atmosphere!
What do you call an educated tube? A graduated cylinder!
I asked the physicist if he liked music; he said he's into wave theory.
Why did the scientist bring a ladder to class? He wanted to reach new heights!
I told my professor I was having trouble with chemistry; he said to just react calmly.
Why did the biology book look so sad? It had too many problems with its cells.
I wanted to be a chemist, but I didn’t have the proper reaction time.
The physics professor always had great energy; he was a real force!
Why did the student bring a pencil to the science lecture? To draw conclusions!
I wanted to write a pun about energy, but it was too electric.

History Lectures

I wanted to tell a history joke, but it’s all ancient history now.
Why did the history teacher always carry a pencil? To draw on the past!
What did the Romans say when asked about their history? 'It's a long story, but I'll get to the point!'
Why don’t scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything, even history!
I asked my history professor how to remember dates, and he said just mark them down!
What do you call a medieval knight who is afraid to fight? Sir Render!
Why was the history book always stressed? Too many dates to remember!
I told my friend I’m studying ancient civilizations; he said, 'That sounds like a real relic!'
Why do historians make terrible secret agents? They always leave a paper trail!
What did one history book say to the other? 'You’re so old, you should be in a museum!'
Why did the history teacher stay home? He had too much on his plate, like the whole French Revolution!
I wanted to be a historian, but I found it too taxing... and I didn't want to get into debt!
Why did the archaeologist break up with their partner? They had too many issues buried in the past.
I told my history professor I wanted to time travel; he said start with the Renaissance!
Why did the ancient Egyptians have so many problems? They were always in a pyramid scheme!
I wanted to write a book about the Civil War, but I can’t seem to find the right chapters.
What’s a historian’s favorite type of music? Classical, of course!
Why was the lecture on the Renaissance so boring? It just kept going in circles!
What do you call a group of musical historians? The Rolling Stones!
I’d tell you a joke about the Great Wall, but I don’t want to build up expectations.
What do you call a history professor who’s also a magician? A real history illusionist!

Math Lectures

I wanted to tell a math joke, but I couldn't find the right angle.
Why was the equal sign so humble? Because it knew it wasn’t less than or greater than!
What do you call an angle that’s gone to the beach? A tan-gent!
I told my math teacher I was afraid of negative numbers; she said I’ll always be positive!
Why did the student wear glasses in math class? To improve di-vision!
What’s a math teacher's favorite place in NYC? Times Square!
Why was the math book sad? It had too many problems!
What do you call a number that can’t keep still? A roamin’ numeral!
Why was the obtuse triangle always so frustrated? Because it was never right!
I told my teacher I couldn’t solve a linear equation; she said to just follow the slope!
Why did the two fours skip lunch? They already eight!
What did the calculator say to the student? You can count on me!
Parallel lines have so much in common; it’s a shame they’ll never meet.
I tried to teach my dog math, but he just didn’t have the right bark-itecture.
Why did the fraction break up with the decimal? It couldn’t handle the conversion!
How do you stay warm in a math class? Just add some degrees!
I told my friend that I was bad at math, and he said, 'Don’t worry, you can always count on me!'
What do you call a group of math educators? A math-tea party!
Why couldn’t the geometry teacher get the students’ attention? They were all in their own angles!
I wanted to make a pun about math, but it just didn’t add up.
What do you call a math problem with no solutions? An unsolvable equation!

Literature Lectures

I told my friend I was reading a book on anti-gravity; it’s impossible to put down!
Why did the author go to jail? Because he was caught with too many plot twists!
What do you call a book club that’s been stuck on one book for years? Church!
I wanted to write a pun about literature, but it’s all in the past tense!
Why did the poet bring a ladder? To reach new heights in their verses!
What did the librarian say to the book? ‘I’ve got my eyes on you!’
Why are books so good at making friends? Because they always have great stories!
I told my literature professor I didn’t like Shakespeare; he said, ‘That’s a tragic flaw!’
What did the literary critic say to the novelist? 'You need to edit your plot holes!'
Why was the literature lecture so lively? The professor had a lot of character!
What’s a ghost’s favorite genre? Boo-ography!
Why don’t writers ever get lost? They always follow their plot!
I wanted to write a novel about unemployment, but I couldn’t find a good plot!
What do you call a literary critic who loves math? A pro-grammer!
Why did the author stay in bed? He was too busy dreaming up stories!
What’s a poet’s favorite type of music? Verse-atile!
I told my friend I was writing an epic poem; he said, 'Make it a saga!'
Why do writers always feel cold? Because they have too many drafts!
What do you call a classic book that’s always happy? A well-rounded novel!
I wanted to make a pun about poetry, but it was too metaphorical.
Why did the novelist get kicked off the plane? He brought too much baggage!

Art Lectures

Why did the artist break up with their partner? They had too many issues to brush aside!
What do you call a painting of a cat? A purr-fect work of art!
Why did the sculpture get kicked out of class? It just couldn’t keep its shape!
I wanted to make a pun about color theory, but it’s too hue-morous!
Why was the art teacher always calm? She had a lot of inner peace!
What did the canvas say to the paint? 'You color my world!'
Why did the artist always carry a pencil? In case they wanted to draw a blank!
What do you call an artist who only paints in shades of grey? A monochrome artist!
Why did the muralist bring a ladder? To reach new heights in their work!
I asked the artist how they stay so inspired; they said, 'I just draw from my experiences!'
What’s an artist’s favorite type of music? Anything with good rhythm and brush-strokes!
Why don’t artists ever get in trouble? They always sketch out a plan!
I tried to paint my feelings, but it ended up just being a messy canvas.
What did the artist say when they finished their masterpiece? 'That’s a wrap!'
Why did the art critic bring a suitcase? To carry all their baggage!
What do you call a painting of a broken pencil? Pointless art!
I wanted to write a pun about sculpture, but it just didn’t have any depth.
Why do artists always get invited to parties? They know how to draw a crowd!
What did one color say to the other? 'You’re looking quite vibrant today!'
Why was the artist so good at math? They always knew how to balance their colors!
What do you call an artist who can’t find inspiration? A brush with despair!