History Puns

Ancient Civilizations

Why did the ancient Egyptians never get lost? They always followed the Nile.
I told my friend I was building a pyramid. He said, 'That’s a lofty goal!'
Did you hear about the Roman who walked into a bar? He said, 'I’ll have a Julius Caesar!'
When the Greeks talked about the Trojan War, it was all a bit of a horse play.
Why did the Greek philosopher bring a ladder? He wanted to reach new heights of thought!
The Sumerians had a great sense of humor; they really knew how to make a good clay joke.
When the archaeologist found the ancient artifacts, he said, 'This is a real treasure trove!'
Why was the Pharaoh so good at poker? Because he always had a good hand!
I guess you could say the Aztecs really knew how to build up their temples—one stone at a time.
What did the Mayan say to the calendar? 'You’re looking dated!'
Why was the ancient Greek so bad at dating? He kept getting stuck in relationships!
When the Romans built roads, they really paved the way for future generations.
Did you hear about the ancient civilization that got lost in the desert? They went off track!
The ancient Greeks believed in many gods, so they always had plenty of options to pray for.
Why did the archaeologist break up with his girlfriend? She was just too ancient for him!
When the pharaoh heard a bad joke, he said, 'That’s just tomb silly!'
What do you call a busy Sumerian? A multitasker!
Why did the Roman soldier always carry a pencil? In case he needed to sketch a battle plan!
The ancient Greeks invented the first alarm clock; it was a real wake-up call!
Why did the ancient civilization get a promotion? They were always rising to the occasion!
When the archaeologist dug up a bone, he exclaimed, 'Looks like I’ve hit the jackpot!'

Medieval Times

Why did the knight always carry a pencil? For his knightly sketches!
How do you greet a medieval royalty? With a 'Hail, King!'
What do you call a medieval knight who’s afraid to fight? Sir Render!
Why don’t medieval peasants ever get lost? They always follow the peasants' road!
Why was the castle so cold? Because it had too many drafts!
What did the king say to his rebellious subjects? 'You’re just causing a stir!'
Why did the jester bring a ladder to court? To reach new heights of humor!
What do you call a medieval knight who’s a great musician? Sir Strum!
Why did the blacksmith break up with his girlfriend? She didn’t forge a connection!
Did you hear about the medieval chef? He always cooked up a knight's feast!
Why was the princess so good at math? She was always calculating her royal worth!
How did the knight feel after losing his sword? He was in a bit of a 'sword' predicament!
What did the witch say to the knight? 'You’re looking rather chivalrous today!'
Why was the medieval scholar always calm? He had a lot of 'medieval' patience!
What do you call a medieval battle with a lot of confusion? A 'knight'mare!
Why did the squire bring a broom to the tournament? To sweep the competition!
What did the wizard say when he ran out of spells? 'That’s a real magic problem!'
Why did the king go to art school? He wanted to learn how to draw his kingdom!
What do you call a medieval horse that can sing? A 'neigh'-tive singer!
Why was the castle always so clean? The knights kept it 'knight' and tidy!
Did you hear about the medieval bard? He had a way with 'words and swords!'

World Wars

Why did the soldier bring a pencil to war? He wanted to draw his weapon!
What did the general say when he lost his army? 'I guess I’m in a bit of a bind!'
Why was the history book always so calm? It had seen many 'wars' but never panicked!
What do you call a soldier who is bad at math? A 'division' problem!
Why did the tank get in trouble? It was always going off track!
Did you hear about the spy who fell in love during the war? It was a real 'secret affair!'
Why did the general bring string to the battlefield? To tie up loose ends!
What do you call a soldier who writes poetry? A 'war-rior' poet!
Why was the German sergeant such a good musician? He knew how to compose himself!
What did the soldier say to his friend during a bomb scare? 'This is a blast!'
Why did the pilot bring a ladder? To reach new altitudes!
What did the historian say about the last war? 'That was a real 'blast' from the past!'
Why did the army recruit get kicked out? He couldn’t follow orders!
What do you call a war fought with flowers? A 'floral conflict!'
Why was the war movie always so successful? It had a lot of 'action scenes!'
What did the soldier say after the battle? 'I’m feeling a bit 'worn out!'
Why did the general love gardening? He was great at planting 'troops!'
What do you call a war hero who can cook? A 'cuisine commander!'
Why did the soldier become a musician? He wanted to join the 'band of brothers!'
What did the army medic say to the wounded soldier? 'You’ll be back on your feet in no time!'
Why was the military record so popular? It had a lot of 'hits!'

Famous Figures

Why did Shakespeare always write in ink? Because he couldn't find a quill that suited him!
What did Einstein say when he was confused? 'I’m having a moment of mass confusion!'
Why was Cleopatra always calm? She knew how to handle the 'drama'!
What did Marie Curie say to her students? 'You better have your 'elements' in order!'
Why was Napoleon always so short? Because he was always standing on his 'conquest'!
What do you call a famous artist who's always late? A 'Picasso' of time!
Why did the philosopher bring a towel? Because he wanted to 'soak' up knowledge!
What did the inventor say to his critics? 'You can’t 'Tesla' my ideas!'
Why did Genghis Khan always win at poker? He had the best 'bluff' strategy!
What do you call a famous musician who loves outdoor sports? A 'Beethoven' enthusiast!
Why did the scientist bring a ladder to work? He wanted to reach new 'heights' of discovery!
What did the artist say about his latest piece? 'It’s my best 'masterpiece' yet!'
Why was the mathematician always calm? He knew how to 'calculate' his stress!
What did the author say when he finished his book? 'That was a 'novel' experience!'
Why was the historical figure always telling jokes? Because he loved to 'pun' it forward!
What did the famous explorer say when he found land? 'This is a real 'discovery' moment!'
Why was the composer always happy? He had a 'note-worthy' life!
What did the famous activist say at the rally? 'Let’s make some 'noise' for justice!'
Why did the artist become a gardener? Because he wanted to grow his own 'canvas!'
What did the inventor say when he made a mistake? 'Looks like I've hit a 'roadblock!'
Why was the playwright so successful? He knew how to 'stage' a good story!

Revolutions

Why did the revolutionaries always carry a pencil? In case they needed to draw their plans!
What did the rebel say to the king? 'You’re just a 'tyrant' of your own making!'
Why did the revolution start in the kitchen? Because they were tired of 'whisking' their rights away!
What do you call a revolution that never ends? A 'cycle-olution!'
Why was the revolutionary always calm? He knew how to keep his 'cool' under pressure!
What did the protesters chant? 'We demand 'liberty' and justice for all!'
Why did the chef join the revolution? He wanted to take a 'stand' for food rights!
What was the revolutionary's favorite game? 'Risk'!
Why did the rebels always wear sunglasses? They were too cool for the establishment!
What do you call a revolutionary who loves gardening? A 'revolt-utionary' gardener!
Why was the revolutionaries' meeting so crowded? Everyone wanted to join the 'cause'!
What did the revolutionary say when he succeeded? 'This is a real 'turning point!'
Why did the revolutionaries love music? It was their way of striking a 'chord'!
What do you call a revolution in the art world? A 'canvas coup!'
Why did the activist bring a ladder to the protest? To reach new heights of awareness!
What did the revolutionary say to the oppressor? 'You can’t 'silence' us!'
Why was the revolutionary so good at debates? He always had the best 'arguments!'
What did the rebel say after winning the battle? 'That was a 'victorious' moment!'
Why did the revolutionaries love puns? They enjoyed a good 'play on words!'
What do you call a revolution led by poets? A 'verse-olution!'
Why did the rebels love history? They were always looking for inspiration from the past!