Doctor Puns

General Practitioner Puns

I told my doctor I broke my arm in two places. He told me to stop going to those places.
Why did the doctor carry a red pen? In case he needed to draw blood!
The doctor said I needed more calcium. I told him to cheese it!
I went to the doctor with a bad back. He said to get a spine!
Doctor: 'You need to stop eating fast food.' Me: 'I can't help it, it's just too greasy!'
When I told the doctor about my problem with seeing spots, he said I should stop looking at the sun.
I asked the doctor if I could take a pill for my procrastination. He said, 'I'll give it to you next week.'
Why did the doctor start writing a blog? He wanted to share his patients' stories.
My doctor told me to watch my drinking. Now I’m stuck in front of the TV!
I told my doctor I had a fear of elevators. He told me to take steps to avoid it.
The doctor told me to get more exercise. I told him that’s a tall order!
Why did the doctor become a gardener? He had a knack for making things grow!
I told my doctor I was feeling a little blue. He told me to have a good laugh!
The doctor told me I needed to improve my diet. I said I'll ketchup with that!
Why did the doctor start a band? He wanted to play some sick beats!
I told my doctor I was feeling like a million bucks. He said, 'Well, I can fix that!'
My doctor asked if I was allergic to anything. I said, 'Yes, bad jokes!'
Why did the doctor go to art school? He wanted to learn how to draw blood!
The doctor said I need to stop overthinking. I said, 'Easier said than done!'
I told my doctor I felt like a new person. He said, 'That's just the anesthesia talking!'
Why did the doctor write a book? Because he wanted to help others get their 'health' in check!

Surgical Puns

I told my surgeon I wanted a six-pack. He said, 'You should have asked for a six-pack before the surgery!'
Why did the surgeon break up with his girlfriend? He just couldn't find the right incision!
The doctor said I needed surgery to fix my broken heart. I told him to just use duct tape!
I asked the surgeon if he could fix my bad jokes. He said, 'That's beyond my expertise!'
Why did the surgeon bring string to the operation? He wanted to tie up some loose ends!
I told my surgeon I was nervous about the operation. He said, 'Just take it one stitch at a time!'
Why did the surgeon become a comedian? He wanted to make people 'graft' with laughter!
I asked the surgeon if I could keep my organ after the surgery. He said, 'Well, that's a major operation!'
Why did the surgeon get kicked out of the party? He couldn't stop making cuts!
I told my surgeon I felt like a million bucks after the operation. He said, 'That’s some expensive taste!'
Why did the surgeon refuse to play cards? He didn't want to deal with the risks!
The doctor said I needed a heart transplant. I told him I’d rather keep my heart in one piece!
I asked my surgeon if I could get a discount on my procedure. He said, 'That's a major operation!'
Why did the surgeon always carry a pencil? In case he needed to draw some blood!
The surgeon said I needed a break. I told him that sounds like a cut above the rest!
I told my surgeon I wanted to be a part of the procedure. He said, 'You’re already part of the problem!'
Why did the surgeon bring a ladder to the surgery? He wanted to reach new heights!
I told my surgeon I wanted to become a doctor. He said, 'That's a tall order!'
Why did the surgeon start a podcast? He wanted to stitch together stories!
I asked my surgeon if he could make me taller. He said, 'That’s a different kind of operation!'
The surgeon said I needed to take it easy after my operation. I told him that’s going to be a tough pill to swallow!

Dental Puns

Why did the dentist become a baseball coach? He knew the drill!
I told my dentist I wanted whiter teeth. He said, 'That’s a bright idea!'
Why did the dentist get kicked off the plane? He couldn't stop drilling!
I asked my dentist if he could fill my cavities with chocolate. He said, 'That's a sweet deal!'
What do you call a dentist who doesn’t like tea? A toothless wonder!
I told my dentist I was afraid of needles. He said, 'Just relax, it’s a prickly topic!'
Why did the dentist bring a broom to work? He wanted to sweep the competition!
I asked my dentist if he could make my smile sparkle. He said, 'That's what I do best!'
Why did the dentist break up with his girlfriend? She was too flossy!
I told my dentist I was feeling down. He said, 'Just brush it off!'
Why did the dentist start a gardening business? He had a knack for growing smiles!
I asked my dentist for advice on my love life. He said, 'Just floss and you’ll be fine!'
Why did the dentist become a musician? He wanted to hit the right notes!
I told my dentist I wanted to try something new. He said, 'You should definitely brush up on your skills!'
What did the dentist say to the computer? 'You have a bad byte!'
I asked my dentist about my bad breath. He said, 'You need to mint a change!'
Why did the dentist always carry a pencil? In case he needed to draw a smile!
What do you call a dentist who is also a magician? A tooth fairy!
I told my dentist I wanted to improve my smile. He said, 'That’s a bright idea!'
Why did the dentist become a detective? He wanted to get to the root of the problem!
I asked my dentist if I could get a discount. He said, 'That’s a cavity waiting to happen!'

Pediatrician Puns

Why did the pediatrician bring a ladder to work? To reach new heights of care!
I told my pediatrician I was feeling down. He said, 'Just bounce back up!'
What did the pediatrician say to the baby? 'You’re the cutest little patient!'
Why did the pediatrician always carry a toy? To play it safe!
I asked my pediatrician if I could have a lollipop. He said, 'Only if you promise to brush your teeth!'
Why did the pediatrician start a band? He wanted to rock the nursery!
I told my pediatrician I wanted to be tall. He said, 'Just keep growing!'
Why did the pediatrician become a chef? He wanted to whip up healthy meals!
What did the pediatrician say to the worried parent? 'Don’t worry, I’ve got this covered!'
Why did the pediatrician become an artist? He loved drawing smiles!
I asked my pediatrician if I could skip my appointment. He said, 'That’s a no-go!'
Why did the pediatrician start a podcast? To share parenting tips!
I told my pediatrician I wanted to be a superhero. He said, 'You already are!'
What did the pediatrician say to the child who was afraid of shots? 'It’s just a little prick, you’ll be fine!'
Why did the pediatrician always have candy? To sweeten the deal!
I asked my pediatrician if he could help with my homework. He said, 'That’s outside my practice!'
What do you call a pediatrician who tells jokes? A pun-derful doctor!
I told my pediatrician I wanted to be healthy. He said, 'Just take it one step at a time!'
Why did the pediatrician become a comedian? He wanted to tickle funny bones!
What did the pediatrician say to the toddler? 'You’re doing a great job!'
Why did the pediatrician always carry a first-aid kit? To patch things up!

Pharmaceutical Puns

I told my pharmacist I needed something for my headache. He said, 'You need some pill-sophy!'
Why did the pharmacist break up with his girlfriend? She was always taking him for granted!
What do you call a pharmacist who knows all the answers? A pill-ot of knowledge!
I asked my pharmacist if I could get a discount on my medication. He said, 'That’s a prescription problem!'
Why did the pharmacist become a musician? He wanted to hit the right notes!
I told my pharmacist I wanted to feel better. He said, 'Just take your medicine and don’t pill around!'
Why did the pharmacist become a chef? He wanted to cook up some remedies!
What did the pharmacist say to the patient? 'Don’t worry, I have just the right formula!'
Why did the pharmacist always carry a pencil? In case he needed to draw some medicine!
I asked my pharmacist if he could help me with my love life. He said, 'That’s beyond my dosage!'
What do you call a pharmacist who tells jokes? A pun-derful pill-pusher!
I told my pharmacist I wanted to be healthier. He said, 'Just take it one pill at a time!'
Why did the pharmacist start a blog? He wanted to share his pill-osophy!
What did the pharmacist say to the tired patient? 'You need to take a break from all the stress!'
Why did the pharmacist bring a suitcase to work? He wanted to pack some remedies!
I asked my pharmacist if I could get a second opinion. He said, 'That’s a different prescription!'
What do you call a pharmacist who loves nature? A pill-grimage enthusiast!
I told my pharmacist I wanted to improve my health. He said, 'Just follow the dosage!'
Why did the pharmacist always have a smile? He knew the secret to happiness was in the pills!
What did the pharmacist say to the anxious patient? 'Just breathe, it’s all in your head!'
I asked my pharmacist to help with my stress. He said, 'Just take it one pill at a time!'