Antonym Puns

Hot and Cold

  • I'm reading a book on anti-gravity. It's impossible to put down!
  • I told my friend she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised!
  • The cold-blooded reptiles never really warmed up to the idea.
  • Can you believe how hot it is? It's absolutely unbearable!
  • I used to hate facial hair, but then it grew on me!
  • The ice cream truck broke down. Now it's just a 'scream' truck!
  • I'm on a whiskey diet. I've lost three days already!
  • The thermostat is a real hothead!
  • Why did the chili pepper cross the road? To get to the hot side!
  • I asked the librarian if the library had any books on paranoia. She whispered, 'They're right behind you.'
  • The frozen pizza didn’t want to come out of the oven because it was too cool for school!
  • It’s hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs because they always take things literally.
  • The baker was so cool, he raised the dough!
  • I once dated a girl who was a real ice queen, but it melted away over time.
  • Why don’t scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything, even the temperature!
  • The iceberg always had a chilling effect on the party!
  • The sun and the moon are in a constant battle; one shines while the other cools us down.
  • This weather is so hot it could fry an egg on a sidewalk – but I’m too cool for that!
  • Why did the snowman call for a chill pill? He was feeling a bit frosty!
  • The hot sauce couldn’t find its way home because it was too saucy!

Up and Down

  • I told my friend I lost my elevator privileges. He said, 'That’s a step down!'
  • The balloon artist was really uplifting!
  • I used to be a banker, but I lost interest!
  • When I saw the ladder, I couldn't believe it was a step above the rest!
  • The elevator was just too up-tight for my liking!
  • I’m reading a book on anti-gravity – it’s really uplifting!
  • The seesaw was really having its ups and downs!
  • Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants? In case he got a hole in one!
  • I fell down the stairs yesterday; I guess it was just a step backward!
  • I can't believe I got fired from the calendar factory. All I did was take a day off!
  • The escalator was so positive; it was always moving up!
  • I told my friend that the sky's the limit, but he said it’s got its downs too!
  • Why did the chicken go up the ladder? To get to the other side!
  • The roller coaster was a real up-and-down experience!
  • I tried to start a hot air balloon business, but it never took off!
  • The elevator operator quit his job because he felt he was always being put down!
  • I used to be a high-flyer, but now I'm just grounded!
  • The mountain climber was on top of the world – until he slipped!
  • I was once a high-profile accountant, but my career took a nosedive!
  • The trampoline was a real bouncing affair!
  • The feather fell down, but it was too light to care!

Light and Dark

  • I’m reading a book on the history of light. It’s illuminating!
  • The shadow puppet show was a real dark horse!
  • I just started a new job at a bakery; the work is light and fluffy!
  • The blackout curtains were so effective, they were in the dark about everything!
  • Why did the light bulb break up with the switch? It found someone brighter!
  • The comedian’s jokes were so dark; they needed a flashlight!
  • I was going to tell a light joke, but it was too heavy!
  • The artist painted in the dark; it was a real stroke of genius!
  • I told my friend to lighten up, but he just got darker!
  • The night owl was always looking for a bright idea!
  • Why don’t we ever tell secrets in the dark? Because the walls might have ears!
  • The flashlight was very illuminating; it really brightened my day!
  • The vampire decided to see the light – it was a real turning point!
  • I tried to shine a light on the subject, but it just got darker!
  • The sun and moon were playing hide and seek; it was a real game of light and dark!
  • The photographer loved capturing shadows; it was a dark passion!
  • I once met a light-hearted ghost; he was quite the spirit!
  • The lamp was feeling a bit dim, but it sparked back to life!
  • The starry night was a real light show!
  • Why did the candle break up with the match? It found a better spark!
  • The eclipse was a dark day for the sun!

Big and Small

  • I used to be a giant, but now I’m just a little big!
  • The ant thought it was big stuff until the elephant showed up!
  • Why did the big shoe break up with the small shoe? It couldn’t stand the sole!
  • I told my friend I was feeling small, and he said, 'That's a big problem!'
  • The tiny book was a big hit!
  • When I saw the big dog, I realized size really does matter!
  • The small fish was really making waves!
  • I was going to tell a big joke, but it was too small to matter!
  • The giant was actually quite humble; he was just a big softie!
  • I thought about getting a big dog, but I didn’t want to be a small fry!
  • The little mouse felt big after standing up to the cat!
  • Why was the big tree so good at math? It had a lot of roots!
  • The small car was a big deal at the auto show!
  • The miniature golf course was a big hit with the kids!
  • I told my friend that being small was a big advantage; he just shrugged it off!
  • The small planet had a big heart!
  • The giant panda was a real big cuddler!
  • The little boy said he felt big today; he just learned to tie his shoes!
  • Why did the big cat sit on the computer? He wanted to keep an eye on the mouse!
  • The small bakery had big dreams!
  • The giant cupcake was a sweet surprise!

Fast and Slow

  • I told my friend I was running a marathon. He said, 'At your speed, it’ll be a slow burn!'
  • The snail won the race by taking it slow and steady!
  • The cheetah was really fast – it was a speed demon!
  • The tortoise and the hare had a disagreement about speed limits!
  • I tried to catch a fast train, but it left me in the slow lane!
  • Why did the slowpoke bring a ladder? To reach new heights at a slow pace!
  • The fast food restaurant was anything but slow!
  • I told my friend to hurry up, but he just took it slow and easy!
  • The rocket was a fast mover; it really took off!
  • Why did the bicycle fall over? It was two-tired of going so slow!
  • The fast runner was always ahead of the pack!
  • The sloth opened a race track – it was a slow and steady success!
  • I tried to speed read, but I ended up going slow and steady instead!
  • The speedy delivery guy was always on the go!
  • Why did the hare start a podcast? Because it wanted to talk fast!
  • The slow cooker was a real gourmet chef!
  • I asked the tortoise about his job; he said it’s all about slow and steady wins!
  • The fast deer was always on the move, but the slow turtle knew the best spots!
  • I signed up for a speed-reading class, but I’m still taking it slow!
  • The fast track to success is often full of slow bumps!
  • The quicksand wasn’t as fast as I thought it would be!